What a load of Bollocks

You will not believe my life!

my God it can be so shit sometimes!

Friday night my 12 year old came down the stairs after a bath with blood and lots of pus ouzing from his buttock cheek, he had an abscess that had burst and when he started to shiver and feel sick I thought I had better take him to casualty.

Him indoors was already half cut so I took Liam up there on my own.

I was supposed to be on nightshift that night and told them I would be running late.

The doctor decided to admit Liam as he wanted the surgeon to come and have a look.

The surgeon wanted to take him to theatre first thing in the morning and cut out and clean out the abscess. I rang down to my ward to see if they were coping ok and they were so I offered to do monday night instead which was ok.

I left Liam once we had seen everyone, and I had signed the consent form etc.

I went home to get a couple of hours sleep before I had to be back for the anethetist early in the morning. I had a galss of wine and was getting a few things together for Liam when him indoors came raging downstairs to say I had woken him up, and since he had been up since 5am he found that to be bloody inconsiderate! WTF? he didnt even ask how the boy was!

Well I went to the hospital in the morning for 7.30am alone again!

They took Liam to theatre very early and I was with him while they put him under. It was one of the hardest things I had ever watched. He had never been put to sleep before and I know its crazy but I was so worried he would not wake up again.

It was the longest hour of my life and I had never felt so alone, but the little man was soon back and tucking into a bacon butty!

I left Liam to sleep as he was still quite groggy, and I decided to get a couple of hours sleep myself so I went home.

He was fixing next doors flat roof, so I yelled up that I was going to bed and that they may let Liam home later.

This would have been ok but for the fact we were supposed to be going to a 40th party and we had booked a room for the night. when I got up from my nap, he said that he had been looking forward to his night out, so I told him to go out with his cronies if it was that important to him. I was being sarcastic when I said it as I hoped he wouldnt go out without me under the circumstances. He started a row and I ended up begging him not to go without me. I had to go back to the hospital to see Liam and see what the surgeon had decided about him coming home.

So to stop Marcus leaving before I got back, I hid his wallet, Yeah I know it was wrong but I felt desperate. He came out of the lounge and looked on the side for his wallet which was strange as I had never hid it before! he asked where it was and I told him I didnt know. He threatened to phone the police, and although I didnt think he would I though I had better return it. He was really frothing at the mouth over the incident.

I left him ranting and raving and went up to see my son in hospital.

When I returned about 5.30pm with my son, Him indoors was no where to be seen. I text him telling him I was really hurt that he had cleared off . He rang me a bit later to ask would I be locking him out and I said no, I would leave the door undone.

At about 22.40 he tried to ring me and thinking he would be drunk and wanting a lift home, I ignored it.

Twice more he tried to call and again I never answered. About an hour later He wasnt home so I called him, he was very drunk. I asked when was he coming home, he said he wasnt, and was going to stay at his mates.

Well I was having none of that! I had been traumatised over my sons episode, I had spent all Saturday night on my own really miserable and now the little fucker wasnt coming home!!

I decided to go and fetch him, when I got to his mates they were having an argument in the street, having staggered from the club they go to, I went across the road and asked him to come home, he refused so I started ranting at him and asked which slag had he been with.

He kept insisting he had done nothing wrong, he was drooling at the mouth and he was so drunk he could hardly stand.

I went back across the road to get into my car and his mate insisted also that he had done nothing wrong so I asked his mate had the ex wife been in the club as the bitch loves to turn up and sit at the table next to us and wind me up.

Bob said that the ex wife had been there but Marcus had only danced with her once! WTF he knows how I feel over her and all her vidictive lies, and Here I am breaking my heart on my own while he is smooching with that slag! Well I seriously flipped!

I ran back across the road and acused him of all sorts which he denied and kept insisting he had done nothing wrong. Ok it was not the end of the world, but because he knew I would be upset at him dancing with her that makes it WRONG, so I kicked him in the bollocks good and hard!

He was gutted and threatened to go to the police station, to which I said that I didnt care because being banged up would be better than having to live with him!

I went home and he called me 20 mins later to say the police were on their way! I shit myself as I had wacked him with a pair of boots last year and he phoned his mate and said I was being violent, and to ring the police! He was pissed and so was Bob, and I dont think he meant for Bob to really ring the police, it was just to scare me. Well I got a caution as I admitted it like a fool. I work at the hospital so it really isnt a good idea to go around getting cautions for common assault.

I rang him and begged him not to do this to me but he just said I was a nasty piece of work and deserved to loose my job and my kids. Tosser!

I know I shouldnt have lashed out but I really did have serious PMT and I had worked myself into a really emotional state. I tried to get him to come home the following morning to no avail.

He phoned me about lunch time on Sunday to ask why I kept ringing him, I told him I just wanted to see him and sort things out, to which he said 'why would I want to see a nasty piece of work like you?'

I said you probably dont, he said 'you are right, pack my stuff I will be round in an hour to pick it up,do I need the police or will you let me have it?'

I told him I wouldnt stand in his way.

I packed his stuff and then I took Liam back to the hospital to have his dressing changed, when we got back from the hospital Marcus had took his gear and gone.

I was absolutely devastated. what on earth will I do without him?

It is now Wednesday and I am coping much better than I expected.

An old fuck buddy has been on the blower already as he had seen Marcus in the pub alone and wanted to know if I am ok. So I guess I wont be on my own long.

Bob had rang on Sunday night after Marcus had gone to bed to see if I was ok, and to assure me he would work on Marcus to get him home.

It is getting to the stage when I dont even know if I want him back.

Each day gets easier.