I am just going over things that happened between me and the tosser in doors last night. We had a big row, and all over money.
Get this, first off let me tell you I have been off work with depression for 3 months, and I had discussed with the tosser, about my job and we decided I would be better off being a bank nurse. This is when you decide when you want to work and only get paid for what you do, no sick pay and no holiday pay. Sounds like a crap deal? well not to me as it means no more nightshift, no more having to do a lateshift on a Saturday when I should be at the pub. No more working all over christmas, God it seems like heaven trust me! He seemed happy with this as I know he dont like me working horrible shifts.
I told him yesterday that I had written out my resignation, to which he replies, 'wouldn't you be better off seeing the doc first incase he gives you another month off'?
I tell him that I really need to get back to work because I am skint.
Later the same evening, he starts to have a tantrum, because if I am supposed to be so skint then how come I bought a garden bench for £40 this week, ok I am guilty as charged, but it was in the sale and a right bargain it was too!
Then he tells me that I am always in the wants, yep!
And he is sick of being the only one that does anything around here! Well of course the fairies wash and iron his clothes, and cook his meals and run his bath and makes his paked lunch, lays out his work clothes and see's to the bills and shopping etc etc
I am then told that I have to go back to work full time as our mortgage is rising by about £250 a month, thats only because we have changed the length of it to suit his retirement age.
I really dont know whether I am coming or going, the worse thing is I haven't told him I posted my resignation yesterday so from next Thursday I will be out of a permanent job!
Bollocks!
Friday, 29 August 2008
So Emotional!
It seems to have been a long week for me this week for some reason.
I have been feeling really low again and really tired.
It was the oldest boys 16th on Wednasday and he seemed to have a nice day, he met his friends at pizza hut for lunch, and then he played basket ball in the park.
At 3.30pm he met me at the college to see if he was going to be accepted onto his engineering course, and after a discussion with the tutor, he could see that Jamie wants this really bad so he told him he would see him monday morning, he winked at me and said to Jamie not to be late!
Well I burst into tears of relief, and then felt such a twat, but I have been so emotional all week, I cant help it.
Jamie was really good about it and didn't get embarrassed at all. How grown up he is getting.
I also enrolled in the Indian head massage course and re-wrote my resignation out for work.
So all in all a productive, if a little emotional, week!
Now off to see my shrink, then picking mad auntie up for some retail therapy at her expense!
I have been feeling really low again and really tired.
It was the oldest boys 16th on Wednasday and he seemed to have a nice day, he met his friends at pizza hut for lunch, and then he played basket ball in the park.
At 3.30pm he met me at the college to see if he was going to be accepted onto his engineering course, and after a discussion with the tutor, he could see that Jamie wants this really bad so he told him he would see him monday morning, he winked at me and said to Jamie not to be late!
Well I burst into tears of relief, and then felt such a twat, but I have been so emotional all week, I cant help it.
Jamie was really good about it and didn't get embarrassed at all. How grown up he is getting.
I also enrolled in the Indian head massage course and re-wrote my resignation out for work.
So all in all a productive, if a little emotional, week!
Now off to see my shrink, then picking mad auntie up for some retail therapy at her expense!
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Bloody Nuts!
Talk about random acts of kindness, well I think I was dished up one of those yesterday!
I was pottering about the kitchen, trying to look busy, Him indoors was actually outdoors laying bricks ( instead of me!), when my ex-husband rang me.
He asks how I am, OK I tell him,
what are you up to this weekend?, nothing special I reply.
He then says he is waiting for Jamie who has gone to pick his speakers up, right, I say.
I ask him did he want anything in particular, he then replies 'would you like some pistachio nuts?
Pistachio nuts? WTF???
No thankyou as I dont like all the mess from the shells!
Oh, I thought you liked pistachio nuts, he sounds disappointed.
I do, but they play my irritable bowel up and I dont like the mess, (of the shells!)but thanks for the kind thought! Oh but my Mad Aunt likes them!, I tells him.
'Oh great I will take some to her, he says excitedly.
Sad Twat!
Of all the things we could have discussed on the phone, like the crap maintenance payments, the fact that he owes nearly 10 grand on my credit card, all the debt chasing letters coming to my house, a house he has never lived in, addressed to him threatening court, bailiffs etc.
He didn't discuss if the boys need shoes or new uniform or college stuff.
Oh no, not my sensible Ex, he calls to see if I would like some pistachio nuts!
Whatever!
Thursday, 21 August 2008
What a funny old day
What a crazy mixed up day I have had today!
Today is my younger son's 13th birthday, and the morning went well with pressie and card opening. Breakfast was planned for macdonalds, but first we had to go up to the school for 10am to pick eldest son's exam results.
Now we wasn't expecting miracles as we know that although very bright he is crap at school, but all he needed was 4 passes a C grade or above and his college place was sorted.
I dropped him off at the school and popped to see my Grandad for ten minutes while we waited for him to collect his envelope.
We called round to the school gates where he was waiting and he gets in the car. I asked him if he had opened them and he turns with a miserable face and nods. I look at the results and then I look at him, he is crying. Oh dear, they were quite bad. And he was gutted.
I asked if we should go straight home instead of Macdonalds, and we all agreed it would be best.
I told him to get all his exam results together and we would see if we could make 4 grade C's out of the mess in front of us. Well we still aint sure exactly as some of his qulification are not the same as others so now we have to wait for the college to get back to us with an appointment to see just what we have got.
Poor little sod feels like his whole life is in limbo. My heart aches for him. Ok I know it is his own fault for not working harder, but it really isnt the end of the world.
He is now sitting playing guitar hero on the x-box 360 that I bought Liam for his birthday and he wont answer anyones calls or texts.
The little 'un has gone to the cinema with his friend and want fajita's for tea. So easily pleased.
I am sitting here thanking whatever forces that be, for my 2 healthy son's and will give them both an extra special hug later and tell them they mean the world to me.
Today is my younger son's 13th birthday, and the morning went well with pressie and card opening. Breakfast was planned for macdonalds, but first we had to go up to the school for 10am to pick eldest son's exam results.
Now we wasn't expecting miracles as we know that although very bright he is crap at school, but all he needed was 4 passes a C grade or above and his college place was sorted.
I dropped him off at the school and popped to see my Grandad for ten minutes while we waited for him to collect his envelope.
We called round to the school gates where he was waiting and he gets in the car. I asked him if he had opened them and he turns with a miserable face and nods. I look at the results and then I look at him, he is crying. Oh dear, they were quite bad. And he was gutted.
I asked if we should go straight home instead of Macdonalds, and we all agreed it would be best.
I told him to get all his exam results together and we would see if we could make 4 grade C's out of the mess in front of us. Well we still aint sure exactly as some of his qulification are not the same as others so now we have to wait for the college to get back to us with an appointment to see just what we have got.
Poor little sod feels like his whole life is in limbo. My heart aches for him. Ok I know it is his own fault for not working harder, but it really isnt the end of the world.
He is now sitting playing guitar hero on the x-box 360 that I bought Liam for his birthday and he wont answer anyones calls or texts.
The little 'un has gone to the cinema with his friend and want fajita's for tea. So easily pleased.
I am sitting here thanking whatever forces that be, for my 2 healthy son's and will give them both an extra special hug later and tell them they mean the world to me.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Spoilt?
I am stuck for my sons birthdays, 21st & 27th of August. I know I am leaving it a bit late but I have been racking my brains as to what to do that don't involve loads of money. Liam will be 13 and Jamie will be 16 so they are kind of special birthday landmarks.
They already own most of the gaming systems, a laptop each, tv and dvd player each, mobile phones, cd players, bicycles, skateboards, footballs, basket balls, etc etc etc!
They have given me a few ideas, like paintball party, pizza hut party, x-box 360 live subscription (?), xbox games, new bicycles (nothing wrong with the ones they have already!) etc etc, but all suggestions involve lots of money, and with their birthdays only 6 days apart that could prove expensive.
Oh bugger, what do I do?
Friday, 15 August 2008
Strange Mood.
I am feeling a bit mixed up today.
I went to see my shrink and she helped sort me out for this weeks crap running through my head. But later on I felt kinda strange. Can't explain it, just, strange.
I put a few plants in the front garden, and rigged up the new hose pipe, then I stained another garden chair. So I have been constructive, but it is almost like I dont feel like I am me!
I changed my name 2 weeks ago and felt thoroughly liberated! now I feel, well kind of deflated I suppose.
Maybe its the medication! I was expecting to feel euphoric with the double dose the GP prescribed but instead I feel just flat.
Maybe I need to get back to work after-all!
Well I have been thinking of taking an evening class at college and quite fancied indian head massage.
It will probably do me a world of good.
I went to see my shrink and she helped sort me out for this weeks crap running through my head. But later on I felt kinda strange. Can't explain it, just, strange.
I put a few plants in the front garden, and rigged up the new hose pipe, then I stained another garden chair. So I have been constructive, but it is almost like I dont feel like I am me!
I changed my name 2 weeks ago and felt thoroughly liberated! now I feel, well kind of deflated I suppose.
Maybe its the medication! I was expecting to feel euphoric with the double dose the GP prescribed but instead I feel just flat.
Maybe I need to get back to work after-all!
Well I have been thinking of taking an evening class at college and quite fancied indian head massage.
It will probably do me a world of good.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
What A Pickle!
Why can't I stop crying?
I wrote out my resignation this morning and cried my heart out for nearly 20 minutes!
As it happens when I went to the Doc he said I certainly wasn't well enough to go back to work and has given me another 4 weeks off! So best I put that resignation on hold!
Oh Dear! I am getting more skinter (is that a word?) by the day!
I am getting about £200 - £300 less each month than I would if I was at work cos I get shift allowance and do a few extra shifts.
I now am having to pay £35 a week for my councillor who emotionally, I am not ready to give up yet, but financially, may be forced to!
I feel such a failure, it seems I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back.
Can someone kick me up the arse please?
Well I suppose the kids will enjoy having me about for the school hols, and Grandad will be buzzing cos I can go and play more poker with him, I guess it aint all bad!
I wrote out my resignation this morning and cried my heart out for nearly 20 minutes!
As it happens when I went to the Doc he said I certainly wasn't well enough to go back to work and has given me another 4 weeks off! So best I put that resignation on hold!
Oh Dear! I am getting more skinter (is that a word?) by the day!
I am getting about £200 - £300 less each month than I would if I was at work cos I get shift allowance and do a few extra shifts.
I now am having to pay £35 a week for my councillor who emotionally, I am not ready to give up yet, but financially, may be forced to!
I feel such a failure, it seems I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back.
Can someone kick me up the arse please?
Well I suppose the kids will enjoy having me about for the school hols, and Grandad will be buzzing cos I can go and play more poker with him, I guess it aint all bad!
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