Breakdown?

I CANT STOP CRYING!

Why?

I dunno!

I have a nice home, a brand new car that him indoors bought me, I go out regularly, I have a good family, fantastic friends, even him indoors has been nice to me! No money worries, a good job, great kids, I holiday abroad twice a year, so what on earth is wrong with me?

I have been sinking lower and lower these last few days and now I don't even want to go to work.

I just cant face sick people or dead people when I feel like this.

I rang work in tears and my mum had to take over the call as I just was not making any sense.

I now have been referred by occupational health to a councillor, I have already spent an hour on the phone with one and have to see a councillor face to face in the next few days.

The councillor seems to think there is a lot of work to be done, which seems scary. They are having a field day over me as my parents split up when I was 7 with my mum going to visit her sister in Holland on a one way ticket my dad gave her, by the time she managed to get back into the country my dad had moved in his fancy piece and her illegitimate son, which it later turns out is my dad's son anyway!

My mum could not get her 4 kids back as the house was in my dad's name and he claimed my mum left the marital home etc. In those days it was much more difficult for her to win us back as the man was deemed the boss and possession is 9 tenths of the law apparently!

So is it true that some of how I am feeling could possibly be due to my childhood?

My dad used to beat my mum and although I would never stand for that in a relationship, I still have put up with controlling men all my life!

Now I would have deemed myself reasonably normal, I did say reasonably! But I suppose when I think back over the 39 years of my life I guess I have had to go through quite a lot.

Being abused by a family friend at the age of 6,

Losing a decent mother figure at the age of 7, and being replaced with a witch!

My first husband became obsessed with me, he bugged my telephone calls and had hidden cameras about the house. I would have to produce till receipts to prove I had been to Tesco instead of shagging in a lay-by! etc

And now I am with this controlling man, who has been married 5 times already, and has a drink problem!

What on earth am I doing?

The councillor says I will always be attracted to control freaks, it stems from my dad, controlling my mother allegedly! So now the plan is not to ditch my man but for me to change??? now this is going to be interesting!