Monday, 25 February 2008

Holiday here I come!

Saturday was weigh in day, I have been on acomplia for 2 weeks now, and have lost 6lb.

Now I am very pleased with that as it is the best I have done for ages on a diet.

I have not suffered at all and have still had exactly what I wanted to eat and drink.

I have to knuckle down and keep going as I booked our holiday yesterday and I will need a head start as I have booked all inclusive 5 star so will come back looking like a house!

It is only 11 weeks away, so I had better get cracking!

I was supposed to be on night shift last night but still felt so weak after saturday mornings episode, it must have been a migraine, as my left side of my face felt weak too. This morning I feel almost back to normal, if its possible to be normal in this household!

We had a quiet weekend with no arguments, which makes a change! He even bought me a box of chocolates on saturday night as we were staying in, aahh.

I have lots of jobs to do today and a sleep to get in before nightshift tonight.

My little dog Sid needs to go back to the vet for a check up after his snip on friday, bless him. He is walking around with one of those plastic lampshades on his head to stop him licking his bits (yuck), and he keeps bumping into things, poor baby. It is quite funny though.

Well off to get my bath and begin my large list of things to do, actually it might be nice to start off with that sleep I need to get in......

Saturday, 23 February 2008

To shoot or not to shoot?

Oh my God, I feel really ill today!

we went to bingo last night then the pub for a couple afterwards, I had 2 pints of lager and 4 glasses of wine (not a binge for me!), I woke at 4am and felt really sick with the most awful headache, with flashing lights. I got up and took some strong pain killers and half an hour later threw up for britain! Then again, then again......

I went back to bed and died. I woke at 11.30am to find 8 missed called from work wondering where the hell I was! Oops! I did not realise I was supposed to be in at work this morning, it was strange cos, as my head was buried in the toilet pan I thought thank god I am not at work today!

Oh well never mind they were quite good about it. I still feel a bit fragile but am coming round slowly.

What a few days I have just had!

My ex husband has been an absolute arse-hole! I left him nearly 5 years ago, but after the initial bitterness we have remained firm friends. I lent him a credit card so he could put his expenses on because he works abroad a lot, the deal being he would clear the balance each month when his expenses were paid to him.

This has not happened, I have been given one bullshit excuse after another, now I find the card balance has crept upto nearly £9k! Dont get me wrong he has paid off lumps along the way.

I have warned him several times to reduce the balance as I need to re-mortgage soon and dont need all that debt against my name, but this has fell on deaf ears!

I put a stop to the card and he has gotten really nasty. I have tried to explain that if anything happens to him then me and the boys are lumbered with the debt.

On top of all that we still have a joint account together that he wont have my name removed from.

I have asked him several times but he is frightened he will loose his £1800 overdraft as the bank said that by removing my name this may happen, and he says he cant afford to loose it!

I keep getting letters turn up addressed just to me saying I am overdrawn over my agreed limit, and although it is not my debt it is still racking up black marks against my name!

The bank refuse to remove my name from the account until the over-draft is paid in full.

So its all good fun!

I have tried to threaten him, beg, plead, cry with him but he says his hands are tied!

I went to the bank yesterday to see when his wages are paid in and they said that he no longer has them paid into that account so he will never be in credit! Bastard!

If I have him shot then I will have to repay all the money owed so this is not an option (unfortunately).

Today when I dragged my arse out of bed I find an overdue invoice for his removal/storage firm asking for £1700 as all his stuff is in storage and he hasnt been paying it. Like a fool I paid them originally as he was in singapore working. What is he trying to do to me??

All is not bad though as me and him indoors has called a truce and he has promised to stop being an arse hole. I stayed out wednesday night as he rang me at work pissed and I decided I wasnt going home to a barrage of verbal abuse and mental cruelty. I think he was gutted judging by the 16 voicemails insisting I must be with another man!

Well anyway it seems to have done the trick cos he has been like a little lamb ever since.

Monday, 18 February 2008

I take it all back! (well some of it)

I got home valentines night from work to find a large red gift bag on the kitchen worktop???

I peeked inside as I was worried that it may not be from him!

Yep he had totally gone to town (for him) a bottle of taittinger champagne (wrapped in red tissue paper), a music cd, a lovely chocolate heart filled with chocolates (looked expensive) and a card.

OMG wot is going on?

I went into the lounge where he was watching tv and I felt a tear spring to my eye.

I said thank you so much you really do love me after all! to which he snapped back 'I bought them on monday so I thought you might as well have them rather than them go to waste!'

Balloon deflated, I went back into the kitchen and shoved them all back in the bag and said you shouldnt have bothered then!

For once he did something sweet and still had to spoil it!

Anyway things are still not good between us and yesterday he told me (under the influence of his mate smirnoff) that he didnt love me and wanted out, he wants me to practically give him the house as he says he pays for most stuff anyway.

I cant believe he would see me and my boys homeless all in the name of money! I wouldnt mind but I rented the house a year before he was ever on the scene anyway. Just because we have a joint mortgage now does not make it feel any fairer.

I am still really gutted about him playing me up on saturday night. We went to the pub for a couple of hours and then across to the bowls club (cheap drink) I was quite tired and had to start work at 7.30am the next morning, so I said I wanted to go home, so instead of coming home with me like I did for him last saturday, He gave me £4 for a taxi and said not to cancel the 11pm taxi as he would come home then.

I wasnt too bothered as he works hard and I could have stayedout with him.

I went to bed and crashed out, I woke at 2am to find I am in bed alone????

I lay awake for an hour worried and wondering where he could have got to, when at 3am he stumbles in totally out of his face, calling me all the names under the sun!

I demanded to know where he had been only to be told that it was none of my business and that he had fancied another drink!

The next day when I met him at the pub, one of his mates said he had gone to chicago's on his own!

What was all that about? I had left him on good terms why did he feel the need to go to a place where people usually go to pull, then admits he didnt drink anything when he got there, so my only conclusion is that he went to pull.

I really dont know what to do about the situation so guess what I do last night when we get home? like a complete moron, I cooked him dinner, rubbed his feet, made his lunchbox for work and got his work clothes ready.

I sent him a nice text today and have just cooked him a nice beef casserole and a chilli con carne.

Then I sit here and think about the hateful things he has said and done this weekend again and I feel so low. What the f*ck am I doing wrong to make him treat me so badly?

I think I am going to have to give him a short sharp shock, and soon!!

Tablets are still working, I weighed in at 16st this morning so that is 4lb off so far.

I went to the gym this morning only to find it was closed due to a burst water pipe. That is twice just recently, I am getting a bit fed up with it for £30 a month fee!

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Keep taking the pills!

I have just got up to day 5 of taking acomplia, and I have weighed this morning at 16st 1 and3/4 lb so i have lost 2 and 1/4 pound so far and I am very pleased with that.

Yesterday I was as sick as a dog in the morning, I had felt quite sick for about 2 hours when I could smell my oldest boy frying bacon and I just flew to the bathroom and was really sick. I had only been able to stomach diet coke and water up to that point anyway so it wasnt too bad.

Later once the nausea had subsided I managed 2 rich tea biscuits and I was at work and got 1 slice of cheese on toast and a jaffa cake bar for my dinner. I had 2 thirds of a bottle of wine when I got home from work just after 9pm so all is going good (apart from throwing up).

The headaches have stopped and they only lasted 2 days, lets hope the nausea dont last too long either.

I am at work 11.30am til 5.30pm and I am working in the dis-charge lounge which involves lots of walking to all the wards collecting patients that are leaving hospital, so it frees up their bed while they wait for medication and transport.

Him indoors is a miserable twat again, well he managed to be nice for 2 and a half days!

He got stressed cos the sky wasnt working , and the kids had left the telly and video plugged in and the extension lead was red hot. Ok he has a point but does he need to bite my head off when I walk in from a hard shift?

Unfortunately he didnt die in his sleep so now I have to wait to see what kind of mood he is in tonight. Joy.

No valentines for me again this year (he was in a mood with me last year too).

oh well not to worry maybe someone else will send me one???

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Day one on acomplia

Saturday morning I woke and decided to start my slimming tablets. I weighed in at 16st 4lb

I had work 7.30am til 12.30pm so I couldnt be tempted to keep eating all morning.

I took my pill at 7am and was fine until 10am when I had 2 weetabix on my break at work. Then totally fine until I had scrambled egg with 1 slice of wholemeal toast about 4pm. After I ate that I felt quite sick and the egg kept repeating on me.

We went to the pub and I had 1 glass of wine and a diet coke. I had a splitting headache and was so tired so we came home where we shared a frozen pizza and I drank a bottle of wine.

normally I would have had a whole pizza but was quite content with a half.

I did not feel as hungry as I normally would but I did have a bad headache and palpitations, nothing I cant handle though!

Friday, 8 February 2008

If tomorrow never comes.........

Well maybe the saying tomorrow never comes is true!

I was gonna start my acomplia diet pills today but last night I stayed out and my friend jackie picked me up to collect my car, just after 8am, she said right you and me have got some celebrating to do!

Her ex husband was up on a charge of assualt and he had originally pleaded not quilty and yesterday he walked into the police station to change his plea to guilty!

She was pleased as she didnt have to attend court and give evidence and he should be in court today and hopefully that will be an end to it all.

So off we headed to macdonalds for a sausage and egg muffin and hash brown (well I did have diet coke with it) so again I wasnt able to start my pills as they need to be taken on an empty stomach. (shame that) Anyway I am due on any day and I always fancy sweet things so I think I will shop for my healthier lifestyle and start on monday.

right I am off for a bath as I am on a late shift today and need to get a wiggle on!!

Thursday, 7 February 2008

New slim me???

OMG I cant believe it! I have the prescription on its way hopefully arriving in the next 2 hours for Acomplia, ok it cost me £299.99 for 3 months supply but it will be worth it if it works!

This is suppose to be the new wonder drug for weight loss!

I will keep you up to date on my journey!

I could not get an appointment with doctor yesterday or today, so I couldnt wait. I got them from it was quite simple and the doctor rang me from the London clinic to verify a few medical questions.

I am excited that even if it isnt a miracle cure at least it will be the kick start I need.

I am off to the gym tomorrow too so all is looking positive.

I will begin my journey tomorrow, yeah I know tomorrow never comes but, I have a meal out tonight and I want to weigh myself in the morning before I eat or drink and after my pooh! (every little helps)

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

we want to go to Ibiza!

I have just been for a massive breakfast with my bestest friend carol, I had to drop my car off for its 1500 mile courtesy service, and didnt fancy hanging around so carol picked me up from garage and we headed to lloyds no 1 for our feast.

We hit the chazzy (charity) shops and I found a nice pair of wrangler jeans for £3.95 for my youngest boy. Feeling content with the world we headed back so I could collect my car, so imagine my surprise to see not only had they serviced it they had also washed it!! I take it all back what I said about them being tossers who couldnt organise a piss up in a brewery!

I am on a late shift today so I decided I would see about searching for some diet pills on the internet, I found this great website which is really good, just waiting for a doc to email me back to see if I can have these new wonder pills for losing weight, Acomplia, they will probably cost a fortune but it has to be cheaper than a tummy tuck!

I am also going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow to see if they will give me a private prescription for them, as that could be cheaper.

Got asked out yesterday by one of the doctors in our pharmacy dept at work.
I tried to explain that I live with someone so it is a bit complicated but he doesnt seem phased and told me we could work round it! He must be keen, unfortunately I am not too keen at all, he is sweet but not really my cup of tea.
Oh well we will see, I said I would go for a drink with him soon, but not really sure about it, now on the other hand if he had offered a nice meal out somewhere posh I probably would have bit his hand off!!!

I won the poker game last night so I got £10 plus £2 for the best hand of the night, him indoors got runner up prize of 10 euro's which I took as he reckons he cant afford a holiday this year (I found his bank statement yesterday and he has £4k in it, I only have £4 in mine!)

My oldest son who is 16 in Aug want to go to Ibiza so I may go with him like kevin and perry stylee yay!

Well off to do some chores before work.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008


Well I slept most of yesterday after the crap nightshift, and still feel rough today!

I was back on an early shift this morning, I woke up at 4.50am and went downstairs to make his packed lunch. I then crawled back into bed til 6.30am when I got up for a bath.

I fed dogs and popped round to my mate Jackie so she could straighten my hair, cos I aint no good at it. I got onto the ward with 1 minute to spare.

The morning went quite well, we were busy and there were a lot of poorly people to help wash, feed etc. I did the observations (blood pressure, temp, respirations, pulse etc) then I went for my break, today I was starving so I decided to have a sausage and egg in a roll, yum! Maybe I will start that diet again tomorrow!

I was only on a short day today so I popped into Tesco on my way home for a bottle of wine and something for dinner.

I got home and made my bed, (I couldnt be arsed this morning), then I went out to give my car a hoover and polish as it has its service tomorrow, also it smells of dog as they have been in my car twice in the last week, once to the doggy parlour, and once to the vets!

Whilst cleaning my car I found a ciggie burn in the upholstery on the door, if he finds out he will do his nut as I dont smoke and I wont let him smoke in it, but I do let the girls at work borrow it occasionally to have a cig in since our NO SMOKING ANYWHERE ON SITE at the hospital came in force, I feel sorry for them, it is a stressful enough job as it is without going all that time without a fag! But I am gonna have to put a stop to it now as the car was brand new in August!

Well Grandad (85) is coming over for a game of poker tonight, it does my nut in but it keeps the old boy alive so I am happy! I am sure its all the arguing that keeps his blood pumping round his heart so well!!

I am trying to find a home for my little westie, Sid, as he is driving me insane with his marking his territory cos my bitch is in season! I have just about had enough although its not his fault but I cant cope with it.

Monday, 4 February 2008

Nightshift from hell!!

well I have just surfaced from about 3 hours sleep from an awful nightshift.
I work in a busy admissions unit and there is never a dull moment.
I did not realise the impotance of our hospital porters, I guess I always just saw them as bed pushing chappies and the guys who brings us extra bed linen when we run out! God how wrong am I?

If we have any aggressive or violent patients, they are our first call for help and last night it took 3 porters and 3 nurses to restrain this chap who was quite unwell with alcohol withdrawal.
One minute he was fine and we were having a sensible conversation, the next minute he had attacked a female collegue and pinned her to the bed and straddled her!

I tried to pull him off but to no avail and no amount of coaxing would talk him down. I rang the emergency bell and other female staff came to our aid, but we could not contain him from punching and kicking out at us, so 3 burly porters came to our rescue, he spat in the face of one of the porters and was using such abusive foul language it was enough to make one blush!

This went on for about 2 hours as no safe amount of sedation would calm him. He pulled his venflon out and blood sputed everywhere, all over those trying to restrain him. Eventually though he did calm down and slip into a troubled sleep.

I think the porters did a marvelous job to protect us nursing staff, and I think its about time that there was extra funding from the government for 24 hour security in our hospitals, these guys dont get paid enough to put themselves in these volatile situations!

So thanks again guys, for all you do!

Sunday, 3 February 2008

What an ass-hole!!

Saturday began like most other days, I did a few house-worky jobs, had a bath and got dressed.

I then had to pick up my 65 year old maiden Aunt, AJ, who is slightly batty, as we had a hair appointment in town. Him indoors had gone to work, still miserable as ever!

After we emerged looking dapper, we proceeded to Prezzo's for lunch, yummy as usual!

After I dropped AJ off, I went back home, he was sprawled on sofa watching some crap film on sky, the sort of movie you could slash your wrists to!

He seemed moody still, I asked him if he wanted anything to eat or drink, but I got a curt 'no' in answer. I decided to put my ear plugs in and curl up on the other sofa and have a snooze.

I asked him if we were going out in the evening and was told no I dont think so, but I was kinda hoping we would.

It got to 6.30pm and I asked again if he was hungry, and he said what have we got? well we didnt have much of anything worth having as we normally have a takeaway if we are staying home on a saturday, so this went down like a lead ballon, whoops!

He decided he would have a toasted sandwich, so I began to make this when he spied the ham I was about to use and bit my head off cos it was too thin and he wouldnt be able to taste it!

Oh for fu*ks sake! I asked him was there anything I could do right for him this week to which he replied 'doesnt look like it'


I then told him to make it himself as at least he would get it right!

He didnt make anything and went without!

I asked him if he really wanted us to be together as I had just about had enough of him being shitty towards me, He said he had, had enough of me too (what trying to please him!)

I said why dont you go out with your friends? to which he replied 'why dont you!'

So i shut the lounge door and went and got ready, I then sneaked out and went to the pub with some girlfriends.

He was in bed fast asleep when I returned about 11.30 pm

Not really sure how to end this relationship, as I sort of still care about him, he has now cleared off to the pub (I wasnt invited), and I am cooking a roast dinner.

Prediction- he will stay out as long as he can, I have night-shift tonight, so he will come home hammered and start an argument. I have knots in my stomach already just thinking about it!

I will go and try to have a snooze ready for night shift as I dont get on too well with shift work, but hey ho at least I dont have to listen to him snoring the house down tonight!

I just wish he would find someone else and clear off!

Friday, 1 February 2008

Who ate all the pies!!

Oh God will I never be thin?
I just cant stop eating, I feel I am over-eating to compensate the missing happiness in my life, so I suppose until I sort that out I am destined to be fat!

I have tried so many things to loose weight, and I am really struggling. I have been contemplating the gastric band for about a year now, I know it is drastic but I have tried everything (almost) and failed miserably.

I joined the gym about 4 months ago and that just makes me hungry!, I have tried weight watchers, slimming world, the atkins, the idiot proof diet, slim-fast, speed, slimming pills off the internet, slimmimg pills from my GP, trying to eat sensibly, etc, etc.

I feel that all these will work if I stick to them, I just cant stick to ANY of them, cos I get bored or hungry!

What on earth can I do? Today I weigh 16 st 4 lb OMG!!!!
I am going to go bang!