Saturday, 27 December 2008

It's over!!!!

Well that wasn't as bad as I was expecting!

I finished work about 2.30 christmas eve afternoon. I went home in good spirits and all was calm.
Then as if by magic him indoors turned into a snapping, snarling twat and I found myself sleeping alone and waking up on christmas morning with just my little dog for company!

Determined that I wouldn't let him ruin the big day, I went downstairs and wished him a merry christmas!

I cracked on with the veg and was offered no help, then it was time to open the pressies, the boys were thrilled with their stuff but it almost pained him indoors to open the mountain of gifts that I and the boys had carefully selected.

I opened my presents and was pleased with what I had got, although he certainly hadn't pushed the boat out this year, I didn't complain.

He seemed to mellow a bit as the morning wore on, and he was a good boy when Grandad and Mad Aunt arrived for dinner.

Dinner turned out really well and no-one offered to help clear up.

We spent a quiet evening by the telly and we went to bed on full stomachs.

So all in all not too bad eh?

Now I have my big fortieth birthday to look forward to! 23rd of January incase you wanted to send a card lol!

Come on then, how was your Christmas?

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Scrooge on the rampage!

Hey it's nearly christmas!
The presents are under the tree, the crackers are in the cupboard, the tinsel is up, the tree looks splendid, and my overdraft knows no bounds!

All for one day! What on earth are we all doing? It isn't even about the birth of Jesus anymore. (who?).
I am still paying for last christmas, and that aint no lie!

God, I feel like I should be going about saying Bah Humbug, but I am sure I am not the only one!

Why do we do it to ourselves?? Any ideas?

Saturday, 13 December 2008

ps

does anyone know a cheap hitman!!!!

Happy Days

Well what do ya know? It's Saturday night and the tosser indoors is playing up (AGAIN)!
I got home from a gruelleing 8 hour shift in Casualty, and he was like a little lamb, then all of a sudden as if by magic, he turned into a gruesome nasty bastard!

He started to complain about my youngest son, and his attitude, I said I would have a word with him, and expected that to be the end of it, but unfortunately strongbow had got the better of him!

I ordered chinese for tea and he wouldn't eat it, just to be a twat, so the dogs got a good nosh up.
Currently he is in the lounge yelling obscenities and I am hiding so I don't twat him one and get locked up (AGAIN)!

Just another day in paradise x

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Plink Plink Fizzzzzz


I do not believe what I have done!

Of all the dumb-ass things!

No, really, it is probably the most dappiest thing ever!


I dropped my new mobile phone down the toilet!

Bollocks!

I had a wee and as I stood up to pull my drawers up, I heard this loud Plink.

I was confused for a second, then it dawned on me, my new bloody phone!

I daren't flush the toilet first in case I lost it all together, so I delved into the pan and retieved my soggy phone. Totally gutted I tried to switch it on and yep, it still worked......for about 5 seconds then fizzled and went blank!


So I have spent the last few days drying it out and this morning I tried it and guess what?

It doesnt work!

Bollocks!

If this happens to you, DO NOT try and switch it on, take out battery immediately, dry out as best you can with kitchen roll then put somewhere warm to dry out for a couple of days. it isnt actually the water that does the damage it is the power being put on that short circuits the insides.

Now you tell me!

Sunday, 30 November 2008

Sunday Bloody Sunday!

I am totally pissed off today.
I went to Aldi to get some fresh veg for lunch and spent £76, I wouldn't mind but I spent £101 in Morrisons on Thursday and £46 in M & S on Wednesday!
Where does all the food go to?
Him indoors is swinging from being really loving to being mr nasty grunt futtock!
Oldest son is in a mood cos I didn't plate him up a sunday roast, well he had been with his Dad all day and I assumed he would be fed! Silly me!
Youngest son is turning his bedroom upside down looking for his bank card! (for at least an hour now).
Star wars is on the TV in the lounge, Disney channel is on in the play room, X box is on upstairs, and the dogs wanna go out but it is cold and pissing down.

Me and Sunday's just don't get along!

Friday, 28 November 2008

Better Than Corrie?

I have had a strange few things happen since I was last here.
On Monday we all trotted off to Bob's funeral. It was a nice dignified event and I cried so much that my eyes were still bloodshot and puffy 3 days later!

At the wake which was held at the bowls club, the place was packed to capacity, and because we had gone to the cemetry for the burial, we were somewhat behind in the drinking lots of alcohol stakes!

While Marcus waited at the bar to be served, Scary Mary ( marcus' ex wife) came up to me, now normally she hates my guts, and finds any opportunity to piss me off and she usually succeeds with flying colours! she says to me it's about time we became friends and she is sorry for all the hateful, and spiteful and downright nasty things she has said and done over the last 4 years.

I accepted her apology she the hugged me (?) at which point Marcus returned from the bar with our drinks.
As the afternoon turned to evening and everyone was nicely trollied, Scary Mary was all over my man! Saying loudly to him 'go on then tell me you dont still love me!' which she repeated over and over.
Silly cow.
I gained some sympathetic looks from other people so I just rolled my eyes and downed my chardonnay.

She continued to be all over him and I found myself chatting to someone I had known from the pub.
Marcus at one stage started to cry and asking for Bobby back, so unable to console him, Mary then went to his rescue!

I took this as my cue to leave and the chap I had been chatting to said he would walk me home.
We started out the door and only managed a few steps when Scary came running out asking me to do something about Marcus, I said I was going home so she chips in that he had asked her if they could get back together!
I told her to fill her fucking boots as I had had enough for one day, so I trotted off into the night hand in hand with a nice man who wanted to look after me!

I asked the nice man on the way home if he had ever had an affair, as he has been happily married for quite sometime. He said he hadn't so I asked him if he fancied having one, he smiled and said he could be persuaded! So we stopped for a nice snog in the park, under the stars and I felt I had not a care in the world!

What a bitch I am. Now I feel awful that I wanted to lead that poor guy astray. We got to my gate and I kissed him gently on the lips and thanked him for making me feel better.

Marcus came stumbling home just over an hour later, shouting the odds at me, I just told him to shut the fuck up and sleep, he then passed out in all his clothes and drooled on the pillow, yeuw!

The next day I gets a text from scary's best mate asking what had happened at the wake as Scary was covered in bruises, she was in a right state and threatening to call the police.

Marcus says she fell over, Scary think marcus hit her! Oh for fucks sake!

I don't think Marcus was capable of hitting anyone, he could hardly stand, let alone hit out!
I sometimes wonder what on earth I have got myself involved with!

Then yesterday I saw Scary in town and asked her if she was ok, and apparently, her and Marcus had gone outside for a ciggie at the wake, when according to her, he asks her for sex and starts grabbing her boobs (not really his style), she then thinks as she is trying to escape his grasp she falls and bangs her head on the concrete! (shame).
She tells me the police want to press charges but she doesnt want to upset him any further as his best friend just died, and it weren't fair on his girlfriend!

I say pull the other one you stupid bitch, you have no witnesses and it was more than likely having watched you pawing him earlier in the evening that he pushed you away in disgust, and was trying to escape. Lets face it love, you aint no oil painting and look at least 10 years older than your 51 years. (Meow)

I have decided that she is not right in the head, mind you nor is he, and really they deserve each other! But unfortunately he always chooses to come home to me, arent I the lucky girl?

As for having an affair? well lets just say I really dont need more stress and coplications in my life!

Friday, 21 November 2008

Keep taking the pills!


Things are on the up!


M & S had 20% off everything on Thursday, Yippee, I took mad Aunt out shopping and she bought me a lush dressing gown and pink furry slipper boots. I am so excited!


Passed Occupational Health interview with flying colours, so I can officially be employed by the NHS????


I played poker with Grandad on Thursday afternoon and took home £17 and a litre bottle of Baileys!


Him indoors is being really nice (scary).


I have almost finished my christmas present shopping, yay! (you are only jealous).


I bought my little dog a new coat which has SECURITY printed on the back! how cool!


We have had the central heating renewed and the tumble dryer fixed, yippee!


So all in all not too much to moan about, but I am sure that is all subject to change as we have Bob's funeral on Monday which will be very sad, but I am trying not to dwell on that too much.


Have a good weekend xxx


Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Black November

I am disliking November more and more as we go through it!

The weather - it's been absolutely atrocious!
Finances - chronically dire! I have never been this skint!
Nan - it would have been her birthday on the 18th had she lived this long, and I still miss her!
Bob - our good friend died yesterday of cancer he was only 48! Totally gutted.
Work - I have to see occy health before they let me start new job due to my depression. Fuck.
Best Friend - suffering because her ex husband has been physically cruel to their kids. Bastard.
Home - central heating paked up, tumble dryer not working, The whole house a mess! Bollocks.
Payday - still got 13 days before it arrives! Double Bollocks!


But the good news is I am not going to let any of it drag me to nasty depths, I am going to keep reminding myself of all the good things in my life and grow on that!

How is your November?

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Quality Counts!


I went into the hospital to do my shift the other day and in the main entrance hall some charity had set up a raffle prize stall, selling ticket for a christmas draw, When I saw the main prize was not any old food hamper but a M & S food hamper, I could not help smiling as I remembered an encounter I had with a little bit on the side some time ago!


Basically he worked for Marks & Spencer and I had been round to see him for afternoon tea and crumpet. Afterwards he apologised for showering straight after but he had to go to work, he pulled on his M & S logo polo shirt, and I coolly said to him from his still warm bed, 'That wasn't any shag, that was an M & S shag'!


Well I thought it was funny!


Mind you, he didn't call again??

Thursday, 6 November 2008

LETS CELEBRATE!


OH MY GOD!!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!


No, really I did!

I went for the interview and did very well, although I forgot to take in my documentation, eg passport, utility bill etc, so I rushed home after the interview to collect them and was called back in to hand them over. I was running on to the interviewing Sister about my documents and she just said 'Julie, you are waffling now!'

I said I realised that so I will shut up now, to which she replied well thats good so I can offer you the job!


I am still on cloud 9, 10 & 11!


I ACCEPT, OH YES!


I belong somewhere again, and I am so pleased.

I had a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge to celebrate or commiserate, and now it is going down the hatch nicely!


24 hours a week over 3 days how great is that?


Monday, 3 November 2008

Well I got home from work to find that both sons had also tried to un-wedge the bed that was stuck on the stairs, then him indoors came home from work and decided it definately would not go through the doorway as he had made the frame smaller since the bed went upstairs in the first place! OFFS!!!

Today my arms ache like hell having pulled countless muscles trying to manouvre that damn bed yesterday! Nevermind, youngest son decided rather than drag the matress back upstairs he would sleep on it downstairs. I think he thought it was an adventure!

Him indoors was very cranky last night. Was the moon on the wane??

Out of the blue he tells me he only has another 50 bags of soil to dig up from round the back garden, I looked pleased for him and said well done! Only to realise he was being sarcastic because he was apparently a one man band, and the boys should offer to help him! Ok he would have a point if 1, they hadnt already asked him countless times only to be told no that he would rather do it himself! and 2, they wanted a storage area to keep a wheel barrow, a cement mixer, some scaffolding etc, etc. You get my drift?

I told him simply that I didn't want an argument as I was trying to juggle making a roast dinner and making packed lunches, unloading the dish washer blah blah blah!
He told me he was ready for me if I did want a row? WTF!!!

He then went up for his bath, he came down I gave him a fabulous roast chicken dinner, with home made yorkshires, stuffing, fresh cabbage, honey roast carrots, and roast potaoes. All this after getting in from work at 20 to 6 too!
He took his plate through to the lounge, and then sat and watch the sky TV guide for about 10 minutes??? Then because he never got a reaction from me for that, he brings back through his dinner, hardly touched and said he would have it later as he was not in the mood, could'nt I tell?

What a total Fuckwit!
I am almost embarrassed to write this down but I need to keep reminding myself about what a twat he is in the hope I will do something about it!

Happy Days!

Nuts!


What a crazy nutty mare I am!


Today's events prove it!


Firstly I decided to bring my son's single bed downstairs as I need to clear out his bedroom in readiness for the new central heating being installed this weekend. Only problem is I got the fucking thing wedged halfway down, and it's still there! I have pulled all sorts of muscles in my arms trying to get it free, but to no avail!


I then decided to try and ring an old flame who was in the removal business to ask his advice, only to find he had changed his number, by this time I was in the supermarket, and feeling a bit unloved, even though I dumped him, I began to cry!


I just felt really sad and lonely, what a daft tart!

I was then chatted up at the checkout, by some loser, who decided to comment on most of the items in my trolley, only for me to realise he was completely off his!


I then got a text from a friend asking to meet for coffee, and although I am busy til next week, it cheered me up no end!


On a more cheerful note, I have got an interview on Thursday! I am so excited. I applied for the job on the fracture clinic and after 22 applications they closed the post and short listed it to just 4 people, and yippee I am one of them!


So fingers crossed, and eyes and arms and whatever else takes your fancy!

I will keep you posted!

Saturday, 25 October 2008

A Dog's Life!




It's Saturday morning, and I am still in my pyjama's.


I have done some ironing, changed my bed linen, ordered some shoes and a jumper online.


I have scoffed a large bowl of cocoa pops with sugar, yum!


Hung some washing out and put on another load.


And, wrapped 3 christmas presents!


How good am I?




I am bored now and really dont want to drag the vacuum upstairs but know I really NEED to!


I have bought 2 fluffy rugs for beside the bed and they are moulting like hell.


So with a dark wooden floor it is making the bedroom look dusty and unkept.


Oh well needs must!




Him indoors is talking about going to look for a new bed as ours is only a double and he wants a kingsize! Visions of fantastic romps may be going through your mind? But please be assured it is only because he thinks the dog does not have enough room when he lays between us!




I sugessted the cheaper option of making the dog sleep downstairs in his OWN bed, but that was met with a frosty stare and was told maybe I should sleep in the dog's bed then Sid would have more room and that would also cost nothing!




Cheeky Twat!

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Another Bollocking!

Can you believe it!
I went to work yesterday and was only supposed to work til 1pm, but like the previous day when I turned up they asked me if I could stay til 5pm.
The previous day I agreed as long as I could definately leave at 5pm as I had college at 6pm and needed to pop home for a shower. I managed to leave work at 5.20pm!
Yesterday I told them I could only stay til 3.30pm as I had promised to visit Grandad (85) to play cards and as I had let him down on the Wednesday I really needed to get my arse round there to see him.

I left work at 3.32pm, got stuck in school traffic trying to get home to pick up Liam from home and let the dogs out.
Liam was no where to be seen so I rang Grandad only to find out he had come home and thought he had missed me so biked to his Grandads.
I jumped back in the car and got to Grandad's 10 minutes late for our 2 hour poker game!

We leave Grandads at 6.10pm and call into Tesco for something for dinner, and we get home at 6.45pm.

I made everyones dinner and watched some TV, then at 9pm we went to bed, lovely. Nope not quite!
Him indoors then starts yapping at me because I hadn't made the bloody bed! I didnt make it as I was only meant to be working til 1pm and had planned on changing bed linen.
It then carries on yapping how I am letting the housework go downhill, blah, blah bloody blah!

Now I know he works very hard at his job, then comes home and carries on working hard improving our home and garden, but please please GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!!
Miserable Twat!

Monday, 13 October 2008

Just A Thought!

Why is everyone else's life so much more interesting than mine?
I sit here reading different people's blogs from all over the world and I look at my own dull life and wonder what it's all about!

Then a thought comes to me (yeah, just the one!), and I realise how lucky I am.

I have 2 gorgeous boys, a nice home, a nice little car, an ex-husband I get on with, a job I enjoy, a partner who is hard working and faithful, 3 lovely little dogs, a big 42'' TV, a lovely garden, lots of good family and friends, (ok I put the TV before them but it wasn't intentional), my health, and the ability to laugh even when the going aint so good. Oh yeah and Sky plus!

I have never suffered any real tradgedy in my life apart from losing my Nan unexpectedly, but even then she was 81!
No real major health issues, well none that a few anti-depressants cant keep at bay!

So today I am going to be grateful for everything I am and everything I have as I know there is so many people out there suffering one way or another, and I have so much to be grateful for.

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Decisions Decisions?


Well here I am!

Feeling quite even and tolerating life reasonably well.

Work is going really well and I am currently being 'head hunted' by the orthopedic o/p department (that's fracture clinic to you mere mortals!)

I have done a few 'bank' shifts on there in the last few weeks and they are really impressed with my performance and have asked me to apply for the permanent job that is coming up on there.

I feel very flattered but not sure if to commit myself again.


I know it is a totally different job to the one on MAU, and it is only monday to friday, 9 to 5 with no working on bank holidays including christmas day and boxing day, but still I feel a voice within saying not to jump in!

The only trouble is if I don't go for it and someone else gets it then there will be very little work on there and I do really enjoy it.

And it is for only 24 hours per week over 3 days!


Oh what to do?



Tuesday, 30 September 2008

An unsettled feeling in my bones.

What is it I wonder? Work is going very well. I have been missed!

Jamie is struggling with his college course because it is a lot more theory work than getting down to the nitty gritty practical side of things, so he is BORED!

Bloody hell give it a chance to get started!



Bleeding kids these days! I hope he don't fuck up his future just on some crazy whim!
Then again I suppose I did when I married his dad, bollocks!



You want so much for your kids and I guess I have been waiting for it to all slot into place, but infact it's quite scary out there for them.



I guess it will all come out in the wash as my momma tells me.

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Where does the time go?

I can not believe I have been that busy I have not had time to read my favorite blogs or update my own.
I am now in to week 3 back at work and have steadily increased my hours from about 11 up to 24. Yeah I know thats pathetic, but I only worked 20 before I became ill!

I am really enjoying work, and I am so glad I made the decision to quit the Medical Assesment Unit and just do adhoc (bank) work.

I have been all over the hospital, from the cancer ward (very sad), to the obs & gynae out patient clinic, breast clinic and fracture clinic.
It is so interesting and I never get chance to get bored.
I am also in to week 3 of my indian head massage course, which is a bit harder than I anticipated but I like a challenge!

Him indoors has mellowed right out again, I did some reverse physcology on him and it worked a treat. Shame really as I had already spent the 8 grand settlement money lol!

Isnt it strange what a difference a week can make? Mind you I was a bit of an emotional wreck on wednesday which was my day off. I had gone over to see my mum, and we were sitting at the kitchen table chatting, and I was telling her about a really strange experience I had at my Grandad's on Monday, I was in his lounge and we were standing chatting as I was about to leave after a game of poker and Liam (my youngest) was tapping me on my shoulder, I ignored his first tap as it didnt have an urgent feel to it, I carried on talking with my back to him, when he did it a second time, I swung round to tell him to stop being rude and there was no-one there!
I could then hear Liam in his Aunt's room next door and they were heartily chatting about a book.

Grandad went outside to get me the hedge trimmers and Liam went and got in the car, I then burst into tears and asked Mad Auntie for a hug (unheard of!) and told her what had happened.
It will be 10 years on the 9th of December that my Nan died in that house and I have longed to have some sign that she was there still, and I know deep within that it was her! Mad Auntie is her daughter and unmarried and mostly unloved, all she had was my Nan, so why on earth I felt this overwhelming urge to hug her I will never be able to explain!

I know it all sounds a bit far fetched, and if I hadn't experienced it I would possibly have doubts, Liam promised that it wasn't him and to be honest he could'nt have got away that quick with the door pushed to anyway. I would like to think she is still with us, and I know she will never leave me because most importantly she is in my heart.

My Mum was really good about it all and let me have a really good cry, I still miss my Nan so much and anyone that says it gets better with time obviously didn't feel as strongly as I do. It is still as painful not having her here as it was in the begining.

Listen at me rambling on! it has gone 2 in the morning and I got up for a drink, and felt the need to talk to someone. I knew I should have taken my sleeping tablet lol!

Night Night x

Thursday, 18 September 2008

The saga continues

Following the nasty argument, I decided that I was not going home after work on Monday. He had stumbled out of the house after only 2 hours sleep and he went to work.
I just could not stop crying about the hateful things he had said.

I went to work as I decided I needed my mind occupied. Work went well, and I went to my sister's straight after.

It was all planned, Liam was to stay at Grandads, Jamie was staying at his mates house and Marcus would be all alone!

Jamie rang me part way through the evening to say that things had kicked off at his mates house so he wasn't going to sleep there. My sister kindly said we would all pitch in to make room for him, so the poor homeless soul came and stayed with us. We all had chinese and watched Eastenders!!
I felt terrible then at what I was doing to my children. I asked Jamie if he wanted us to go home but he was adamant we would see this through!

Tuesday dawned and I had not heard a single word from him so I was a bit gutted that he wasn't begging me to go home, but I knew he would be beside himself wondering where I was and what I was doing.
Tuesday evening I had college so I went home and got ready, he came home while I was straightening my hair. I never spke to him. When I got back from college he was in bed. So I chilled out with Jamie for half an hour then climbed into bed. Well I did pay for the bed, so I was going to get in it!
I had made up my mind about a few things and had left him a note asking why he had done all these things, and if he wanted me out of the house I would accept £8,000. This I feel was more than fair and affordable for him, and it is enough for me to rent a place.
When I looked, he had screwed the note up and flung it in the bin! Typical.

I would not make his packed lunch, or run his bath, or cook his meals. I refused to sit in the same room as him so things were ticking away nicely.

Now watch this space!

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Now What did I Do Wrong?

This is like the good old days when we were first living together!
He would cause a row on the Saturday night so he could feel sorry for himself and then piss off to pub Sunday all day.
I should have seen this coming really. Maybe I did if I will be honest.

We both went to the pub at lunchtime, he asked me if I fancied a couple of pints, and I said are you sure you want me there? This was because in the row he caused on the Saturday, he said he never gets time to chill out away from me.

But he assures me that since he has asked me then I am welcome to go with him.

We walked to the pub and I chatted most of the way there til I realised I was only getting one word answers, and then I kept quiet.
We get to the pub, and meet one of his alcoholic mates,who we sit and chat to in the beer garden.
I was getting the distinct feeling of not being wanted so I went back inside the pub with my drink and I read my book. Marcus then comes in and sits with me, but hardly says a word. Again I get the feeling I am not wanted. So I tell him I am going for a wander round town.

I am gone about an hour and a half, when I got back to him he had moved across the road to the bowls club. I had more people to chat to here and was quite relaxed til I noticed his lordship was pissed!
I booked a taxi for 45 minutes time for 4.30pm and asked him if he was coming with me. Well the taxi arrived and he refused to come home, I just said please yourself, I will see you later. The only thing is I didn't know just how late that later was to be.
1.30 am he gets home and does his usual thing of being too pissed to let himself in with the number keypad we have on our door. So he starts to shout and swear abusive things so I go down and let him in.
He could hardly stand up, he carries on being abusive and I just get into bed.
He is saying wicked things, and spoiling for a fight, but I can cope with it when he says he dont love me, who the fuck would?, I can cope with being told I am fat and ugly, but when he tells me that I am that fat he can only fuck me from behind, enough was enough and I smacked him in the mouth!
He threatened to call the police on me because this isnt the first time I have cracked him one. I had promised myself and him I would never do it again, but I cant help it, he is so hurtful and spiteful.

He then gets menacing and smacks me in the eye to see how I like it and spits in my face. He then yells his usual verbal diarrhoea at me about how he pays more into the house than I do so when we split he should get more out.

The thing he forgets is when he first moved in with us he never gave us a penny, I kept him for 8 months, now he has just over 9k in his bank account, when he moved in he only had £300.
Yes I know he works hard, and I only work part time, but I still have a home to run, and 3 kids (including him) to look after.

I am sitting here trying to work out why I love someone who does this to me, and I think if I am honest I dont love him at all. I just like the financial security, and all the nice things he does to our home and garden. But I really dont think I can put myself through this bullshit again, he made me so ill last time and I am not going to allow him to do it again.

I know I shouldn't have smacked him in the mouth, and I don't know why I cant control that. He turns me into something I am not! I am sitting in in floods of tears not knowing, who I am, where I belong, or what the fuck I am going to do!

I cant believe I am contemplating taking all my sleeping tablets, I feel so worthless. Maybe they will all be better off without me. I have let my boys down by bringing this man into their lives, they dont deserve half the shit he throws at them, he makes their young lives a misery.

Maybe he will decide to leave, cos I sure aint gonna make things easy for him from now on!

Friday, 12 September 2008

In Pain

It is nearly 3am and I can't sleep!
I only took half a sleeping pill as I am trying to cut down, unfortunately I have been awake since 1am which is usually what happens when I only take half.

To top it all I have a bloody toothache! The annoying part is I am between dental plans!
I cancelled my existing one as I had found a better deal, but I didn't realise you couldn't claim for the first month! Bugger!
I am not sure I can cope with the pain for a whole month! The pain seems to be coming from under my back gold tooth!
I have plenty of strong pain killers and will swill with salt water and see how we go!

How sad am I? I have started my christmas present shopping already! Well there is nothing like being prepared!
I just hate christmas, it is all a load of bollocks! It has lost it's true meaning, not that I am religious at all but I feel it is just a commercial thing these days! The kids weren't even back to school from their summer holidays when Tesco got in christmas cards and selection boxes!
And we are only just celebrating New Year when they get the Easter eggs in!

Give us a break!

Thursday, 11 September 2008

On The Up!

Bloody Hell!
I am feeling really good!
I started back at work on Monday and it went so well I went back for 2 shifts on Tuesday!
I hadn't forgotten how to do my job, and infact I felt I had more patience the the elder folk, who can be especially demanding.
On tuesday I did an outpatient clinic, the one in the morning was for the gasterenteroligist, (looking up the back passage), and the afternoon clinic was the other side of the coin, in obs and gynae clinic.
I really enjoyed both clinics, but had to rush to my first night at college to start my diploma in indian head massage.
That was a bit daunting as it is quite an intensive course but I am sure it will be worth it in the long run!

I am on the discharge lounge this afternoon, this is where the ward send a patient who is going home today to us in the lounge where they wait for their transport home. They get to watch tv, drink tea & coffee, and have a meal at meal times.

My job is to take a wheelchair and go up to the wards and collect the patients and take them to the lounge, putting in, and collecting prescriptions on route.
It keeps you fit!
To drop!

Thursday, 4 September 2008

My Premonition

I finally plucked up the courage to go into work and book in a few shifts on the bank.
My first day back is on Monday, that is going to be a shock to the old system!

8am start!
Oh dear, how will I get out of bed in time?

It is only a 5 hour shift but already I feel knackered!
Well I am sure I will just fine and am kind of looking forward to it.
Today I am feeling so much better and have a slight twinge of regret at resigning as I really liked the medical assessment unit where I was before I became ill.

Oh well never regret the things you have done, only the things you haven't, like Robbie Williams!

My college uniform arrived in the post today, and it fits perfectly, the indian head massage oils turned up yesterday so I am all set to begin the course next Tuesday. Gosh it's all happening at once, I hope I don't feel over-whelmed by it all.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare where my ex-husband and 2 boys were killed in a car crash, it was so real and I have felt awful all day, I even had to ring him in Korea where he is working to make sure he was ok, and as I dialled his mobile number, I knew that it wasn't going to connect, even though it did the previous 3 times I called him.
The phone was silent then a tone like the flatline on a cardiac monitor, meaning death. I absolutely panicked then because I felt it was a premonition or omen.
I quickly pushed the redial button and was connected straight away!
He was just fine but I asked him to be extra careful anyway.

It is like our life is mapped out for us in some ways, and after watching final destination movie it made me think that whatever choices you make were always meant to be.
This is probably a load of crap as I am always telling my kids, that you are the master of your own destiny. Sometimes though it is put into the hands of someone else and they are not always as careful with it!
Anyways, that is enough of my ramblings today as I think my medication has been prescribed too high a dose but at least I feel reletively normal again so it aint all bad!

Monday, 1 September 2008

Definately Feeling Better


Today I am feeling quite a bit better!
I heard on the grapevine that my ward sister was telling my collegues I had left but under good terms, as I could have milked the system for another 3 months yet, but I handed in my notice before my sick note ran out, to save the ward money.
That really isnt my style, I am the one at work who buys in my weekly shop, things like talc, soap, deoderants, shapoo etc for patients all at my own expense because people get brought in to us in an emergency and they bring the clothes they are standing in and that is it!

I am still seeing my councillor every week but if this mood continues then I will cut down to once every 2 weeks.

I start my diploma in Indian Head Massage next week, and I am quite excited. I have had to order my uniform, and oils but still need to get a book or 2.

So if there is anyone out there who would like a practise run once I get started let me know!

It was Jamie's first day at college on his engineering course, and he had blue overalls on and looked really grown up. He is a good boy and I am so proud of him, I hope life deals him a good hand.

Well I had best get back to bed as I only got up for a wee and a drink but felt quite awake. I have just taken the other half of my sleeping pill so it should kick in soon.
night night x

Friday, 29 August 2008

Thing don't improve!

I am just going over things that happened between me and the tosser in doors last night. We had a big row, and all over money.
Get this, first off let me tell you I have been off work with depression for 3 months, and I had discussed with the tosser, about my job and we decided I would be better off being a bank nurse. This is when you decide when you want to work and only get paid for what you do, no sick pay and no holiday pay. Sounds like a crap deal? well not to me as it means no more nightshift, no more having to do a lateshift on a Saturday when I should be at the pub. No more working all over christmas, God it seems like heaven trust me! He seemed happy with this as I know he dont like me working horrible shifts.

I told him yesterday that I had written out my resignation, to which he replies, 'wouldn't you be better off seeing the doc first incase he gives you another month off'?
I tell him that I really need to get back to work because I am skint.

Later the same evening, he starts to have a tantrum, because if I am supposed to be so skint then how come I bought a garden bench for £40 this week, ok I am guilty as charged, but it was in the sale and a right bargain it was too!

Then he tells me that I am always in the wants, yep!
And he is sick of being the only one that does anything around here! Well of course the fairies wash and iron his clothes, and cook his meals and run his bath and makes his paked lunch, lays out his work clothes and see's to the bills and shopping etc etc

I am then told that I have to go back to work full time as our mortgage is rising by about £250 a month, thats only because we have changed the length of it to suit his retirement age.

I really dont know whether I am coming or going, the worse thing is I haven't told him I posted my resignation yesterday so from next Thursday I will be out of a permanent job!

Bollocks!

So Emotional!

It seems to have been a long week for me this week for some reason.
I have been feeling really low again and really tired.

It was the oldest boys 16th on Wednasday and he seemed to have a nice day, he met his friends at pizza hut for lunch, and then he played basket ball in the park.
At 3.30pm he met me at the college to see if he was going to be accepted onto his engineering course, and after a discussion with the tutor, he could see that Jamie wants this really bad so he told him he would see him monday morning, he winked at me and said to Jamie not to be late!
Well I burst into tears of relief, and then felt such a twat, but I have been so emotional all week, I cant help it.
Jamie was really good about it and didn't get embarrassed at all. How grown up he is getting.

I also enrolled in the Indian head massage course and re-wrote my resignation out for work.
So all in all a productive, if a little emotional, week!
Now off to see my shrink, then picking mad auntie up for some retail therapy at her expense!

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Bloody Nuts!


Talk about random acts of kindness, well I think I was dished up one of those yesterday!

I was pottering about the kitchen, trying to look busy, Him indoors was actually outdoors laying bricks ( instead of me!), when my ex-husband rang me.


He asks how I am, OK I tell him,

what are you up to this weekend?, nothing special I reply.

He then says he is waiting for Jamie who has gone to pick his speakers up, right, I say.

I ask him did he want anything in particular, he then replies 'would you like some pistachio nuts?

Pistachio nuts? WTF???

No thankyou as I dont like all the mess from the shells!

Oh, I thought you liked pistachio nuts, he sounds disappointed.

I do, but they play my irritable bowel up and I dont like the mess, (of the shells!)but thanks for the kind thought! Oh but my Mad Aunt likes them!, I tells him.


'Oh great I will take some to her, he says excitedly.


Sad Twat!


Of all the things we could have discussed on the phone, like the crap maintenance payments, the fact that he owes nearly 10 grand on my credit card, all the debt chasing letters coming to my house, a house he has never lived in, addressed to him threatening court, bailiffs etc.

He didn't discuss if the boys need shoes or new uniform or college stuff.


Oh no, not my sensible Ex, he calls to see if I would like some pistachio nuts!


Whatever!







Thursday, 21 August 2008

What a funny old day

What a crazy mixed up day I have had today!
Today is my younger son's 13th birthday, and the morning went well with pressie and card opening. Breakfast was planned for macdonalds, but first we had to go up to the school for 10am to pick eldest son's exam results.
Now we wasn't expecting miracles as we know that although very bright he is crap at school, but all he needed was 4 passes a C grade or above and his college place was sorted.

I dropped him off at the school and popped to see my Grandad for ten minutes while we waited for him to collect his envelope.
We called round to the school gates where he was waiting and he gets in the car. I asked him if he had opened them and he turns with a miserable face and nods. I look at the results and then I look at him, he is crying. Oh dear, they were quite bad. And he was gutted.

I asked if we should go straight home instead of Macdonalds, and we all agreed it would be best.
I told him to get all his exam results together and we would see if we could make 4 grade C's out of the mess in front of us. Well we still aint sure exactly as some of his qulification are not the same as others so now we have to wait for the college to get back to us with an appointment to see just what we have got.

Poor little sod feels like his whole life is in limbo. My heart aches for him. Ok I know it is his own fault for not working harder, but it really isnt the end of the world.

He is now sitting playing guitar hero on the x-box 360 that I bought Liam for his birthday and he wont answer anyones calls or texts.
The little 'un has gone to the cinema with his friend and want fajita's for tea. So easily pleased.

I am sitting here thanking whatever forces that be, for my 2 healthy son's and will give them both an extra special hug later and tell them they mean the world to me.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Spoilt?


I am stuck for my sons birthdays, 21st & 27th of August. I know I am leaving it a bit late but I have been racking my brains as to what to do that don't involve loads of money. Liam will be 13 and Jamie will be 16 so they are kind of special birthday landmarks.


They already own most of the gaming systems, a laptop each, tv and dvd player each, mobile phones, cd players, bicycles, skateboards, footballs, basket balls, etc etc etc!


They have given me a few ideas, like paintball party, pizza hut party, x-box 360 live subscription (?), xbox games, new bicycles (nothing wrong with the ones they have already!) etc etc, but all suggestions involve lots of money, and with their birthdays only 6 days apart that could prove expensive.


Oh bugger, what do I do?


Friday, 15 August 2008

Strange Mood.

I am feeling a bit mixed up today.
I went to see my shrink and she helped sort me out for this weeks crap running through my head. But later on I felt kinda strange. Can't explain it, just, strange.
I put a few plants in the front garden, and rigged up the new hose pipe, then I stained another garden chair. So I have been constructive, but it is almost like I dont feel like I am me!

I changed my name 2 weeks ago and felt thoroughly liberated! now I feel, well kind of deflated I suppose.
Maybe its the medication! I was expecting to feel euphoric with the double dose the GP prescribed but instead I feel just flat.

Maybe I need to get back to work after-all!
Well I have been thinking of taking an evening class at college and quite fancied indian head massage.
It will probably do me a world of good.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

What A Pickle!

Why can't I stop crying?
I wrote out my resignation this morning and cried my heart out for nearly 20 minutes!

As it happens when I went to the Doc he said I certainly wasn't well enough to go back to work and has given me another 4 weeks off! So best I put that resignation on hold!

Oh Dear! I am getting more skinter (is that a word?) by the day!
I am getting about £200 - £300 less each month than I would if I was at work cos I get shift allowance and do a few extra shifts.

I now am having to pay £35 a week for my councillor who emotionally, I am not ready to give up yet, but financially, may be forced to!

I feel such a failure, it seems I take 2 steps forward then 1 step back.

Can someone kick me up the arse please?

Well I suppose the kids will enjoy having me about for the school hols, and Grandad will be buzzing cos I can go and play more poker with him, I guess it aint all bad!

Monday, 11 August 2008

Baby Bird


When I gave birth to my first son, I was in hospital opposite a nice woman called Tracy, She gave birth to a daughter the day after me, and when the nurses were on the ward they referred to me as Mummy Norman and her as Mummy Bird, them being our surnames.


Imagine my delight when they brought in Baby Norman, and yes you guessed it Baby Bird!

Well I was in a fit of giggles and insisted I wanted a Baby Bird and I wanted to be a Mummy Bird! It was sooo cute!


Well that was 16 years ago on the 27 & 28th August!


Imagine my absolute shock when taking my son's new girlfriend of 1 week home and she says my mum thinks she was in hospital with you when she had me! OH MY GOD! She is Baby Bird!

Unbelievable! but it is true! I burst into tears, as I have always kept a fond place in my heart for that Mummy and Baby Bird!


Now she might become my daughter in law and have my grandchildren! ok, ok they arent 16 yet but it could happen! How freaked out (in a nice way) am I!

Lost The Plot?

I have bottled it big time!
I have been emotional all day and cried at every silly thing!
It's not PMT as I am just over that.
I had nightmares all night about work and I rang up Occupational Health this morning in tears as I just knew I couldn't cope with these twilight shifts. My God, I am in bed by 9pm every evening and last night I was in bed by 8pm!

I rang my GP and he wants to see me tomorrow, I have rang work to tell them I have another week off as my GP promised me a certificate tomorrow!

I have made up my mind to quit my permanent job and just go onto the 'bank', this means I can work as much (or as little) as I want, when I want, so I feel better about that. I just have the job of telling the ward manager!

I know I am being silly but I just can't hack the crappy shifts. If only I could be a lady of leisure!
I have enjoyed it immensley these past 3 months. it has been heaven, apart from feeling shit from depression!

Oh well, I had better get writing that letter of resignation!

Saturday, 9 August 2008

D Day is Looming!


I have to go back to work on Monday. I have mixed feelings about this. I started out being excited, then I got a bit nervous, now I think I am totally shitting a brick!


Will I remember how to do blood pressures, can I help someone to the commode without them falling, can I remember how to do an MRSA swab, oh goodness, I am making things worse.


I have been gone almost 3 months apart from 2 days which I hated every moment.

To make matters worse I am going back on a twilight shift (8pm til 1am) and that is an extremely busy shift, I will be put in the triage bay, which is where all new patients are put, I will be responsible for the first point of contact, doing there, BP, temp, resps, weight, testing their blood sugar etc etc, what if I mess up? These people are relying on me! Oh dear, what if someone dies, which is a regular occurance on MAU, I am going to have to lay out the deceased, and not have a total breakdown.


Am I strong enough?

Is mcDonalds hiring?

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Out to Lunch

Yesterday I took my Mother into town for some retail therapy and a nice lunch, oh bless her!
She really is quite a card!

She is so funny at times and has several senior moments!
We both dislike people immensely and there are certain people we see in town who if possible we avoid like the plague!
Imagine how embarrassed we were to see an ex of my brothers who we never really liked much, avoiding us as much as we were avoiding her!
But she was more obvious than we were!

What wrong with us? Cheeky mare!

Monday, 4 August 2008

Oh Dear!

You can't keep all of the people happy all of the time!

I sent the ex-husband an email to tell him of my name change, and he seemed to be well pissed off! WTF???

I left him 5 years ago! He has a new woman all be-it in Singapore, but he is loved up. So why the long face over me giving up his name?

The mind boggles!

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Me

I went to see my shrink yesterday, and the woman has been such a help. At first I thought £35 an hour was a lot to part with each week just to get stuff off your chest when you can do it for free on here, but she has done wonders for me.

She gave me 2 poems yesterday and I have to share this one as I cant stop thinking how much I relate to these words.


SOMEBODY ELSE

If I was not myself, I would be somebody else.
But actually I am somebody else.
I have been somebody else all my life.

It's no laughing matter going about the place
all the time being somebody else:
people mistake you; you mistake yourself.

Jackie Kay


I felt so strongly after I read it I decided to become myself once more and have now officially gone back to the name I was given to at birth. It is who I am, and who I want to be.

Miss Julie Frances Louisa Norman

Thursday, 31 July 2008

Name Calling!

I have been thinking about changing my surname for a while now.
When I got divorced nearly 5 years ago, I decided for the sake of my 2 sons I would keep my married name which is their surname too. I still felt like a Wylie inside too. It was who I had been for some number of years, and I didn't hate the boys Dad, I just could no longer live with him and his possesive ways.

My partner who I have been with for 4 years, has always been a bit pissed off because I kept my ex's surname, especially as when him and his last wife divorced she went back to her previous husbands name!

I don't really want to get married, but I was wondering whether to take my partners surname Brett, by deed poll, apparently you can change your name every week if you like and can be Lady something!
Or if I should just revert back to my maiden name, Norman?

I was thinking if I changed it to Brett then at least I wouldn't have to change it again when/if we get married.

I am really unsure about things and wonder if I should just change it to Minnie Mouse!

Monday, 28 July 2008

Keep taking the tablets!


What a nice weekend and what lovely weather!


Marcus has been laying paving slabs in the back garden, much to the annoyance of jealous neighbour next door who insisted through the hedge that we had ruined their lives since we moved in and Marcus was a dickhead! oh my word, such language from someone I thought to be slightly better than the usual rabble we get living on this estate, obviously not!


Saturday we had decided to have a Bbq, now I like to go to one's organised by someone else, but what hard bloody work they are when you are the one putting on the show!


It cost just over £100 and the mess the next day was unsettling!

Mind you the neighbours never complained as they were louder than us to begin with but once my family arrived it was like neighbours? we have neighbours?


Someone got the karaoke machine out and my sister hogged it for the duration of the evening well at least while she was singing she wasn't eating! my God can that girl put it away!


Everyone seemed to have a good time and most left just before midnight very drunk and singing joyfully!


I really had a good time, I was quite merry and my brother had me in stitches, Sis was on the karaoke and one of Jamie's friends was sitting on the window sill inside Jamie's bedroom, he had no shirt on and was a bit geeky looking, my brother says to watch this lad while my sister sang (?) and it looked like he was the one warbling this god awful tune, it was just so funny and he was totally oblivious to what was going on and so was my singing (?) sister!, who incidently got yelled at each time she stopped singing as we were finding the whole thing hilarious, that we got quite pissed off each time she stopped. Now I dont know whether this was genuinely funny or because we were all pissed but hey it worked for us!


Him indoors left me a note this morning saying thanks for a nice weekend, so I felt quite loved up towards him, well he has been good lately and that is probably helping the way I feel.

And if I do get a bit cranky instead of having a full blown row, he just asks if I have taken my tablet yet today, so I calm down and behave. It's all working out just great!


I must go put in my repeat prescription!


Thursday, 24 July 2008

The Winner Takes It All




Well, well, well, I finally managed the Mama Mia film and I must say I was tapping my foot in the aisles with the best of em! It was brilliant.


I took my Mad Auntie and my 12 year old son and they were equally enthralled!




Then afterwards we went to eat all you can chinese buffet and that was great too, but that was the end of my day the first half wasn't so bad either! (mostly).




The washing machine repair guy was due and Liam and I was due at Grandad's for cards at 1pm, WMRG turns up at 12.40 just as I was mashing potatoes for a cheese and potato pie!




He fixes machine and I put pie in oven on a high heat as I was leaving the house in less than 10 minutes and was going to turn oven off and leave it in to carry on warming through. Ok, all well so far!




I hurried Liam up to get his shoes on as it was now 12.55 and it is a 7 minute drive to Grandads.


The WMRG gave me a lecture on the misuse of my washing machine and suggested I do a 90' maintenance wash with just bio powder in the drum at least once a month! Yeah, yeah, yeah love whatever you say, I will put it on my list of jobs 'to do', (now where did I put that list?)




As I had said when I got to Grandads a few minutes late, I stated that I had no money and wanted to play for fun!, and it was just nice to keep him company.


Well, he wasn't having any of that! He said he would not get any enjoyment from playing like that and insisted putting in £5 for the winner, £3 for 2nd, and £2 runner up. OH go on then if it makes you happy!




We had 2 games and I won £3 and then £2, well I am not very good! We left Grandads at 3.40pm and called into Tesco for 4 items, and we had Mad Auntie with us and as it was really really hot she was smelling, well shall we say not too sweet!, But at least she didn't shit on my car seat this time! (that's another story!)




We arrived back at my house at 4pm to let the dogs out, and So I could get changed and dish Marcus's dinner up as we would be at the cinema when he got home from work.




I opened the kitchen door and this wall of heat hit us like a tsunami! oh fuck! I had left the oven on high heat since 12.45. OH MY GOD!!


The 3 westies were all laying spent on the floor panting like bugger and I just screamed.




Now what was I going to give the tosser for his dinner?? Fuck, fuck, fuck!




I scribbled him a note next to the incinerated remains saying sorry but I would make him something when I got home!




We left to go to the cinema and picked up our pre booked tickets and found the place half empty, or half full depending how you look at things!




I remembered why I hate the cinema after noisy kids pissed me off and my arse was as numb as a numb thing when the film finished. but the popcorn laced with a fuck-off bag of malteasers helped sweeten my mood.




The chinese was a good place to add him indoors' dinner onto the bill that Mad Auntie was paying for so it was win all round!




When I got home him indoors was in a good mood sitting in the garden having laid several paving slabs and looking pleased with himself.




So all in all not a bad day!




Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Mama Mia Take 2!


So tonight I am off to the cinema to see Mama Mia with my mad aunty, this time should be successful as I have booked my tickets online! (thanks to Norfolk Single Dad).

It cost an extra 40p each booking fee but who cares!


I am off to play cards with Grandad this afternoon and I am not taking my purse, I am going to tell him we will play for fun, it's just nice to spend time with him! That will confuse him!!


I put on some false toe nails this morning and I am well pleased with them. It was a set of matching finger and toenails for £1.99 what a bargain as my last pedicure cost me £40! and they look almost as good. So, chuffed!


I had Liam taking off my old nail polish on my toes and filing down the rough edges, he was in his element until his little friend turned up and he nearly got caught! Bless him!


Well I am off to find a pair of open toed shoes to show off my handiwork!



Friday, 18 July 2008

Mama Mia!!!


I am really pissed off today!


I queued for ages at the crappy local cinema, only to be told that it was full and they would not be letting anyone else in!


What on earth is going on?


Has the world gone mad?


Now I have to give up another evening next week to take the mad auntie to the cinema. Well at least she bought me dinner! Not all bad then!

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Disgruntled


I know this is gonna sound nasty, or selfish but when I started this blog it was just for me to dump into (not literally)!


Grandad came round for a game of poker last night, it was the first time for ages as my sister has kindly stepped in and started going round there most evenings with her kids and at first I was pleased that Grandad had company each night and the burden had been taken off me.


The only trouble is she is reaping all the benefits and I feel a bit left out. All he went on about was your sister this, your sister that, she has even started cooking for him now too!


Now like I said this is going to sound nasty but I have to get it off my chest! Her kids need a lot of money for a school trip abroad, and I feel she has an ulterior motive!

Grandad has been providing all the prize money each night and they have been leaving with handfuls of cash each night. Now the main reason I am pissed off is I really dont like playing poker but do so to keep him happy, he pushed me into a poker night, and instead of us all putting in £2 stake money with him adding a tenner on top for the winner, we all put in our £2 and he never added anything to it! I tried to gently remind him of the normal prize money and got yelled at for changing the rules! So I gently fumed, not really because of the money more the principal. I then asked him if my sister and her kids put in the £2 stake money each, to be told, 'oh no, I dont take anything off them as I want to encourage them to keep coming round!


Well I am not sure what to make of that, I have always been the favorite and feel like I have had my nose put out of joint! To make matters worse I came 4th out of 5 players last night! It was £5 for the winner £3 for 2nd place and £2 for runner up, and Grandad got £2 for runner up so the night cost him nothing! God this sounds so petty!


I really need a slap!


I know I am wrong to feel like this, but I cant help it. This horrible feeling wont go away.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

So now say thankyou for no music!


OK, ok the music has gone, I suppose it was a bit crap but there wasn't much to choose from and I am not all technical like you lot!


Anyway back to more important things, like life!


Last week I proved I wasn't an alcoholic, I had 4 , yes I said 4! whole days off! Not even the sniff of a cork came my way! and guess what? I was absolutely bloody fine, no shakes or cravings, so it is official that here in blog land I declare myself as normal! ahem, well nearly!


I am going to take my eccentric maiden aunt to see mama mia this week, so I hope it lives up to expectations!

Grandad (85) is coming round Wednesday to play poker, god love him, so cinema Thursday with mad auntie sounds good.


I only managed Sunday off the booze this week as last night I was bored, I still haven't found a hobby!


I have been looking to book a holiday for October but might just wait for a late deal as nothing is exciting me much at the moment.

Today I am off to pick mummy bear up and we will meet my sis and my baby niece for lunch, so that should be nice.


Yesterday I had my waxing done and I painted my own toenails. Finished reading Patricia cornwell book and started reading the next one.


So that is me up to date with my life, and I am feeling loads better!

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

All is Good!


Today I have been to Pizza Hut on a mission, firstly to eat all I can buffet, and secondly to go with my son to hand in an application form for a part-time job.

Both missions were successful and now I feel sick as an over-fed dog, and Jamie has been promised a fair trial for an interview!

So all is good.

I am really beginning to feel more like my old self again, as I love to laugh and make others laugh and that trait is slowly returning.

I phoned the ex-husband earlier, as I found out he went to Pizza Hut without me yesterday with Jamie, and I wasn't invited! Cheek!
If I hadn't of gave birth to him (Jamie),the ex-husband would have been sitting alone!
Selfish Twat!

Well at least I didn't have to be nice to him!

Monday, 7 July 2008

Totally Bored


I must be bored!

I have emptied the ironing basket and offered to take my mother to B & Q for paint some 15 miles away!


Bugger I think I need to go back to work, as much as I hate to admit it!

The doc gave me a sicknote til 10th of August, now that would have been bloody super if the weather was nice, but it is totally crap!

I have never seen as much rain as I have today.


Maybe I need a hobby, him indoors says I need a hobby, I have dabbled in a bit of cross stitch, and I am a dab hand at getting pissed, but what on earth can I do for a hobby?

I have thought of a few things but nothing much to float my boat!


Stamp collecting? boring!

Line dancing? too energetic!

Model railway? too technical!

Skateboarding? I'm too old!

Trainspotting? OMG! I don't have a grey mack!


Well any suggestions would be apprieciated, I do read a lot but that seems lazy, I like bingo but thats gets expensive!

Bloody Hell what does everyone else do for kicks? I am sooo bored!!





Friday, 4 July 2008

I Feel So Old!


I have just took my eldest son to get his lift in a Limo for his prom!


OMG he is only 15, well ok 16 end of next month, but whatever!


I can remember being told I was pregnant with him and I really was in denial, I had the coil fitted and accidentally pulled it out, (don't ask!) next thing I know I am 3 months pregnant and bleeding as if I may loose the baby!


Well as luck would have it I gave birth to a 7 pound something gorgeous bundle of joy!

The next thing I know I am taking him to get a lift in a real live Limo for his prom!

Ok there was lots of stuff in between but I can assure you it has gone so fast!, I feel kinda emotional.


If you have little ones, enjoy every moment, cause you will never have this time over again, ever!


The pic above is of Jamie on his prom night age 15 and his dappy old mum age 39!

Life update - Cheers!


I have been back to the doc's, he seems to think I need another month off work! Well I am totally devastated (not)!


I really dont want to go back at all, but my shoe collection is dwindling.


Well I am due back on the 11th of August, I might be able to muster the energy by then!


This week I have been out to lunch every day, now although this has mostly been enjoyable it is not good for my waist line!


Him indoors is being scarily nice still, maybe we have at last found a good place to be with each other! I hope so because it's all I ever wanted really.


What the Doc says this week is keep taking the pills, have another month off, and dont drink any booze for the next 4 Sundays in a row, if I cant manage that then he will refer me to CADS.

That sounds drastic! Best I comply.


The good news is I managed to go tea-total yesterday! how proud am I?

So my conclusion to my drinking habits are I WANT a drink I dont NEED one! There is a difference!


I have been reading lots of patricia cornwell books which I am really enjoying, and listening to my dogs constantly barking! Which I am not enjoying!



Monday, 30 June 2008

Got it wrong again!


Bugger, Bugger, Bugger!


I don't believe it!


The car tax doesn't run out til the end of July!


Lets just hope he is still in a good mood this time next month and is still as eager to part with his bank card!!


Somehow I wont be holding my breath!

Good Weekend

I had quite a nice weekend for a change.

Him indoors took me to bingo on Friday night and we won £90 between us.
Saturday I was a bit bored as I couldn't be bothered to do much so while he toiled away making a new fence for the front garden, I went to Do It All to buy some fence paint and some feed and weed for the lawn!

Next I popped into Tesco for a joint of beef for Sunday and some veggies etc, then back home to bed for an hour with my book.

Him indoors came in about 8pm and by then I was really really bored as I had been resorting to America's got talent (that really is debatable though)!!

We ordered indian food and went to bed about half 9.

Sunday I had a bit more energy and after a surprising awakening from him indoors, I got up and put the dinner on and some washing. Then I played bingo online and won £100.

Him indoors was building another fence panel, so all was quiet on the ranch.

At half 11 he decides he is going to the pub, and I decide to drop him at the fenman and go into town for a wander.

While walking into town I ring my friend Jackie, to see if she is in the pub, but I find her at home in tears asking can I come round.

So shopping trip abandoned I am at her house within 6 minutes, she sees me and totally breaks down (I am known to have that effect) and I ask what on earth could be the matter.
Well as usual she has had a disagreement with her other half, now they have only been together about 9 months, he was her first love and they split over some silly row over something and nothing, but both were stubborn and ended up apart for 20 years!

Well I normally have good advice, and she is a good girl she does listen.
I managed to talk her into a reconciliation as he is flying off on Tuesday for a fortnights work in Gibraltar.

I then joined him indoors at the bowls club after cadging a lift with my ex husband when he dropped the boys off. Cheeky I know!

Him indoors was a good boy and we ordered a taxi home for 3.30pm so we could have that wonderful roast beef I had cooked.

I get a text from Jackie saying she was at Barney's house and they were going to have a good talk. I guess they sorted out their differences as I heard no more.

So all in all I feel relaxed and happy. He has even left me his bank card this morning telling me to pay for my car tax.
Bless him!

Saturday, 28 June 2008

There is a God!


I just got a letter telling me I have been let off from a car parking fine!


Yippee!!


Well it wasn't my fault they moved the ticket machine was it?


Maybe I will buy myself that new dress after all!

Looking up


I really think the anti-depressants are kicking in!

I feel like a fog is lifting. Now, I know I am not right but I am definately feeling better.

I slept really deeply last night, mind you I did have a large glass of wine washing down 2 tramadol and 2 co-codamol. But at least I slept!


I have been cutting down slightly on my alcohol consumption too. Wednesday I had 3 units, thurs I had 6 units and friday I had 5 units so normally it would have been a total of approx 30 units, instead it was 14!

No wonder I have withdrawal symptoms!!!


Him indoors is being reasonable. Not too nice but only the occasional snipe, so I can cope with that.

My 15 year old son Jamie, has gone and got his ear pierced! bless him. Well he has left school now and has his prom next week. All of a sudden he seems grown up. It is quite scary really.

His whole future is in front of him and the choices he makes in the next few months are important for him.

But I really dont mind what job he does as long as he gets one and can be reasonably happy, thats all most of us want.

I have been obtaining quotes for my car insurance which is due for renewal next month. So far the best quote is Sheila's wheels @ £162 my renewal quote with kwik fit was £210 so that is a result!

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

READ ALL ABOUT IT!


Today my mood is slightly elevated. Now that is a good sign!

I still feel like a bag of pooh, and look not much better, but I feel a slight shift in mood.

I am still having trouble sleeping, well staying asleep to be more accurate. But I suppose that dont matter too much as I don't have much of an agenda so can always take a nap when I need to.


My friend text me this morning telling me to stop taking those slimming pills, as according to The Sun newspaper they are suicide pills!


Well firstly I havent taken one since the 8th of May and secondly I keep telling her not to believe everything she reads from the newspaper!


Him indoors has had a personality transplant again and has gone back to being Mr nice concerned boyfriend, and being civil to the kids. So that is a bonus, well until he goes into one again!


My Mother said to me yesterday that because I have 2 sons, then any man I moved in with would eventually end up treating them with hostility. Now if I had daughters then it would be a completely different scenario! She is basing this on my step dad and how he treated my brother and us girls, could she be right?

She says she has seen it so many times in other families that have step parents.


Now I do value and respect my Mother's opinion an awful lot but it would be good to see if her opinion on this matter actually had some truth in it.


I guess that unless I live with a few dozen other men I wont find out!


Well off to see my shrink now and see what she makes of my crazy thoughts this week!

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

YO BRO!


God my Brother is sooo funny, he really should be on the telly!


He works for a local fish merchants, usually delivering stuff to restaurants etc, well recently he had a small heart attack and has been serving in the shop instead.


I popped in to get a few things the other day and there was a hoity toity looking old bat in front of me, she asked if he had any larger loins of cod, and he said he would check out back, then he spotted me, well he was pleased to see me and said to make my selection but not to leave until we had managed a chat. The hoity toity tart pipes up with 'are you going to serve me young man, or are you going to stand there and chat all day?'

My bruv apologised and quickly darted out back to look for her cod. When he returned she inspected it and grunted her approval, she then asks loudly 'how long do you expect to have crabs for?' to which he replied 'until the anti-biotics kick in'

The hoity toity tart didnt bat an eyelash, while I fell on the floor!!

Pussy Galore




My God, my mother is obsessed with her pussy!, No I mean totally obsessed!
Today I went round to pick her up so we could go into town for some retail therapy and lunch, and there on her kitchen wall was a collection of photo's of her pussy!

I mean I wouldn't mind if it was any thing to look at but it is big, fat and hairy! There really should be a law against it!

I know she thinks more of her pussy than she does her 4 kids because when I asked why she hadn't got a photo of me up on the wall she said I was the wrong colour and didnt match the decor!!! The mind boggles!

Anyway I left the house in disgust as her pussy tucked into his whiskas!


Monday, 23 June 2008

Why ?


Why, oh why do I still feel so shit?


I want for nothing!


I just cant shake this black cloud hanging over me. When do these pills start to kick in? I want to be high as a kite and as frisky as a frog!


All I want to do is sleep in the day, and then I lay awake all night waiting for morning, even if I fore-go the daytime nap I still cant sleep at night. It's doing my nut in.


Him indoors has stopped nagging me and has now started nagging the kids. Poor fuckers, ok they probably ask for it but he really does go over the top!

Ok take last night for example, I had gone to bed early (4pm) and at 10pm him indoors gets up to pee, he starts to yell at the oldest boy because the dogs were howling and he hadn't dealt with them. He then goes down and lets the dogs out and starts yelling that the back door is wide open and the passage doors are both unlocked. Ok so the kids made a slip up. It isnt that drastic. The back door opens up to a closed in passage way, and although if someone had tried the handle they would have gotten in, what were the chances?


So he came back to bed ranting and raving and I asked him nicely to please stop, he was quite nasty with his response.

Then when I got up this morning he had left me a note saying he knows I am not well but I wont get better if I mix booze and tablets, so if I cant give up booze then I should stop taking the tablets, and He said he had left the back door wide open and the passage way unlocked, then he put not nice hay?

Well firstly I would like to know when he did his medical training to be able to advise me about my medication? And secondly who was he refering to when he put 'not nice hay?'

Well I think thats obvious.

WANKER.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Old People


Why do old people annoy me?

I mean I work in a caring profession that see's me dealing with the old and frail on a daily basis.

So, why, when my elderly neighbour pops up over the fence, or wanders into my front garden when I am weeding, does it bug the hell out of me?

He is well into his 70's possibly 80's, but the minute he appears, my blood starts to boil.


He asks stupid obvious questions, and tries to tell me how to prune my plants, when basically I dont give two hoots if they all die and have to be replaced with brick weave!


I have told him time and time again, that it's MY garden and I will do it MY way, but the coffin dodger still appears every chance he can.


Why dont he just stick to sitting in God's waiting room and leave me alone!!

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Cat nap

Oh bugger the ironing, I just took one look at it and my legs bowed. So I went to bed instead. I had a lovely nap. 3 hours later I realised that him indoors was due home and I didnt want to get caught in the act!



The twat was early! oh well I had 5 injections in my mouth to remove the old bridge and knowing his fear of dentists, when he looked pissed off at the fact I had obviously just rolled out of bed, I went into graphic detail of my trip to the butchers (dentist) and he soon shut his trap as he went a rather dull grey colour!

Nice one!

Doctor, Dentist & Shrink

It's official, I am depressed!
I even got a sick note and pills to prove it! one month off it states, oh dear, what on earth will I do for a whole month?
Chill out!
I have to see a shrink next Wednesday and specifically asked for a man and ended up with some posh sounding woman ringing me today to arrange an appointment with her.
I dont like her already!
Mind you I dont like many people at the moment. Hey Ho.

Him indoors never ceases to amaze me, just when I think it really is all over between us, he starts to be nice.
A nice meal out Saturday, Chocolates and wine on Sunday, a nice note this morning saying he has noticed I havent been right lately and hopes I feel better soon. Then a text this morning simply saying, I Love You.

Oh I am sure if he carries this on I will feel better in no time!

I have been to the dentist today as I wanted my bridge renewed. Well the enamel fell off the other one so I looked like that guy from james bond with the metal teeth!
Well I pay £24 a month dental plan and everytime I laugh I have to cover my mouth as I am really aware of it.
The dentist informs me that as I have the top plan then that will cover the cost of doing the bridge, just not the Lab fees. Ok, I says not a problem, I still want to go ahead no matter what the cost. About £250 she informs me!! Is it made of bloody gold? For God's sake!!

Well what could I say? Go ahead, I want nice teeth!

Right I must tackle the ironing mountain that has taken over my utility room. So much for chilling out!

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Breakdown?


I CANT STOP CRYING!

Why?

I dunno!


I have a nice home, a brand new car that him indoors bought me, I go out regularly, I have a good family, fantastic friends, even him indoors has been nice to me! No money worries, a good job, great kids, I holiday abroad twice a year, so what on earth is wrong with me?


I have been sinking lower and lower these last few days and now I don't even want to go to work.

I just cant face sick people or dead people when I feel like this.


I rang work in tears and my mum had to take over the call as I just was not making any sense.

I now have been referred by occupational health to a councillor, I have already spent an hour on the phone with one and have to see a councillor face to face in the next few days.


The councillor seems to think there is a lot of work to be done, which seems scary. They are having a field day over me as my parents split up when I was 7 with my mum going to visit her sister in Holland on a one way ticket my dad gave her, by the time she managed to get back into the country my dad had moved in his fancy piece and her illegitimate son, which it later turns out is my dad's son anyway!

My mum could not get her 4 kids back as the house was in my dad's name and he claimed my mum left the marital home etc. In those days it was much more difficult for her to win us back as the man was deemed the boss and possession is 9 tenths of the law apparently!


So is it true that some of how I am feeling could possibly be due to my childhood?

My dad used to beat my mum and although I would never stand for that in a relationship, I still have put up with controlling men all my life!


Now I would have deemed myself reasonably normal, I did say reasonably! But I suppose when I think back over the 39 years of my life I guess I have had to go through quite a lot.

Being abused by a family friend at the age of 6,

Losing a decent mother figure at the age of 7, and being replaced with a witch!

My first husband became obsessed with me, he bugged my telephone calls and had hidden cameras about the house. I would have to produce till receipts to prove I had been to Tesco instead of shagging in a lay-by! etc

And now I am with this controlling man, who has been married 5 times already, and has a drink problem!


What on earth am I doing?

The councillor says I will always be attracted to control freaks, it stems from my dad, controlling my mother allegedly! So now the plan is not to ditch my man but for me to change??? now this is going to be interesting!


Sunday, 8 June 2008

Things are looking up!


I had a really nice night last night, some friends of ours called to see if we wanted to go for a meal, which was a nice country pub affair, and I even had dessert!


Him indoors was an absolute angel, and kept looking at me like he liked me! Should I be worried?


We came home and our friends joined us for a night-cap, mean while I showed them some of the serial mingers on http://www.adultwork.com/ who flaunt their wares for money! including people who live in our very own town! OMG


There is a menu on the right hand side that include things I have never heard of and the mind boggles as to whether this is deemed legal! Now I am not judging these men and women as I have seriously considered putting myself forward for the job (well at £120 per hour can you blame me?), but I would be mortified if a patient at work asked for 'extras' at the bedside!!


I am sure our friends left our house looking at people in our town completely differently, I know I certainly do since I discovered the website!


Him indoors still didn't want an arguement and we went to bed quite loved up, now there's a turn up for the books!


Saturday, 7 June 2008

What a gay day!


The puppies are all sold yippee!


Well I was begining to worry as I had 2 little boy puppies left and no-one had rang for several days. Then as if a fairy waved her magic wand 2 fella's from London pitched up to view the babies.


The first one was a drop dead gorgeous George Michael look a like, the other a very much shorter version of the late Freddie Mercury.

They proceeded to coo over the little boys (Digger & Scooter) and then explained they had several other specimens to view including a sausage dog (????), I told them they were welcome to come back for another look, and over-heard one of them saying about having both puppies!


Come on you beauties!!


I mentioned that if they were interested in the pair I would happily knock £100 off as I would be over-joyed that they would be staying together.


They thanked me, and went off saying they would be in touch soon.


5 minutes later Freddie minced back up my garden path and asked could he take some pics as that would help them with their decision.


No problem love, you can have a picture of my puppies but I am not sure it will get you too far!


Then approximately 8 minutes later George sashayed up to the door clutching £100 saying they would be delighted to have both puppies and would be back monday morning to collect them.


What a result!


So me and him indoors that must be obeyed went to bingo with the deposit money and won £470.


What a gay day!!